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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ruby Soho's LiveJournal:

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Friday, December 17th, 2010
5:35 am
I forget how to even update this thing, but...
My whole life I've been struggling with the idea in my head that I'm not good enough. I feel like I don't have a place to be. Again it haunts me. I'm completely average in school. The sad thing is that I get C's but I don't TRY! Then i get frustrated with the fact that if I had made an effort I would have gotten A's this whole time. But it's too late, the game's almost over and I choked. I don't have a motivation.... for anything! I stay in bed for as long as possible, do the chores before the boyfriend comes home, stay up as late as possible to feel like I accomplished something and then Rinse & Repeat.

A year left, and I haven't a clue of what the fuck to do with myself. I don't want to end up bitter and hating my job and that adds to my anxiety of choosing a path. I just wish I had that spark and determination that I see in so many people; the ability to go after something and get it done.

and I can't get rid of this insomnia!!!!!!!!!

I need a major change 'cause I feel like I'm having a 1/4 life crisis. At least I have music to calm me. I honestly don't know where I'd be if that annoying guy in sewing didn't sing Blink songs all period in 6th grade.....

I watched another trailer of the Blinkumentary earlier. They make me emotional, as much now as they did 11. Tom just had his 35th birthday on Dec. 13th. I'm SO in shock at the fact that I'm at almost at the age THEY were when I first fell in live with them. Insane.... I see them from a different point of view now, but they still affect me the same way.

People can say that I'm crazy, but they will never understand. I'm not a psycho fan. Their music heals me, it's my own personal "religious" experience, and no one will ever feel what I do.

I'm in the process of designing a multiple meaning tattoo and trying to decide where to put it. It will always remind me of how far I've come from those dark days 11 years ago, of how much I've grown &  the things I've put behind me, and the fact that I am good enough.

"When the bombs come down, we will make it alive -  But only if you want to believe" -TD
need help
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
12:23 am
Ok so yesterday I was playing pool with Melissa, tal and Michal and Kroq was on in the background. For some reason when the Kroq Inland Invasion Commericial thing said that caller 20 will get tickets, it kinda jumped out at me. I called;a busy signal, I called again and it rang. I expeected it to keep on ringing with no answer as it has done in the past. . . THat was until I heard a guy say "Am I speaking with caller 20?" and I froze and slowly answered "yeah, I guess so." I can't believe I won tickets. He asked for all sorts of information and read me the disclaimer and such. It was soooo wierd. I was hearing everything , but it didn't seem real. It hasn't sunken in as of yet, but I can't believe the odds of that happening to a me, a person who tried calling twice, opposed to a person who has tried all week, day and night, to win the tickets that I won so easily. I kinda didn't feel that I deserved it somehow. Later I called back and asked why my voice wasn't on the radio, like winners usually are and he said that Stryker was at Hollywood and Highland and was probably busy with other stuff. He said that he could say my name as many times as I wanted, but no one would hear him - I told him to say it anyway haha. His name turned out to be Ross and he sounded REALLY hot. so now I'm off to decide which of 2 good friends I shall take. *sigh*

-the sucky thing is that I don't know what kind of tickets they are (lawn, loge, orch.) and the fact that it's at the hyundai pavilion And the fact that it starts in the morning!

Current Mood: shocked
2 | need help
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
1:01 am
hm. . .
Did anyone else feel the earthquake at 3:15 yesterday (Tues.) morning??? I felt it, but no one else did and I'm begining to doubt myself.

Current Mood: tired
3 | need help
Monday, August 8th, 2005
6:13 pm
the smell of wine and cheap perfume
Runnin' out of self-control
Gettin' close to an overload
Up against a no win situation
Shoulder to shoulder, push and shove
I'm hangin' up my boxin' gloves
I'm ready for a long vacation

Be good to yourself when, nobody else will
Oh be good to yourself
You're walkin' a highwire, caught in a crossfire
Oh be good to yourself

When you can't give no more
They want it all but you gotta say no
I'm turnin' off the noise that makes me crazy
Lookin' back with no regrets
To forgive is to forget
I want ah little piece of mind to turn to

Current Mood: calm
need help
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
10:52 pm
I woke up today with a headache and I still have it. I feel like shit! I'm tired for no reason and I'm not getting anything done or going anywhere. *sigh*

Current Mood: crappy
3 | need help
Monday, August 1st, 2005
10:36 pm
Has anyone liked something soooo much that you just can't get enough of it? I'm like that with music. No matter how much of one song I listen to, I can't seem to get tired of it and all I think about is seeing that band live. The funny thing is that I know that all I can get out of a band is: their music, their concert and a meet and greet , but I can't get enough even after that. I get a nervous stomach sometimes, just thinking about seeing that particular band live. It's weird, I know, but I really can't help it.

Now that I've made myself look crazy, I'll go

Current Mood: anxious
need help
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
9:59 pm
Damn you Tal
- 10 years ago - I was seven and uh. . I don't really remember 2nd grade

- 5 years ago - It sucked 'cause none of my friends liked each other and even more so 'cause I attended portola

- best year- 10th grade year ('01-'02) I met the most celebrities that year and went to the most shows. . . oh and the whole Jason thing

- 1 year ago - I was very glad to have moved away from my dad

- yesterday - I hung out with my cousin and aunt; played pool until 1:30 in the morning but it sucked 'cause I couldn't fall asleep until 4

- tomorrow - I have no idea, hopefully it'll be fun

- 5 snacks I enjoy - soda, slim jim, whipped cream, gum, del taco food

- 5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs – Blink 182 (hello, it's me!), Cause Of Insanity -beeyotch!, The Used, Lit, NO doubt, Billy idol and any cd that I buy because i'm a music whore

- 5 things I would do with a $100,000,000 - build a castle for me and whoever I invite, build a replica of the simpson house, buy oddities, buy all the music I've ever wanted, and get a kick ass effen car

- 5 locations I would like to run away to – hollywood, utah(it's peaceful), a band's tour bus, an island of my own, and a record label's wherehouse so I could experience music nirvana

- 5 bad habits I have - biting nails, being afraid of heights, being a dumbass, not giving "relationships" a chance, second guessing myself

- 5 things I like doing - listening to music, visiting cemetaries, meeting famous people, going to shows, and spending time wth my kick-ass friends

- 5 things I will never wear – anything that makes me feel fake, anything beside red/black/grey/white to school, anything that many people have anything that I don't feel comfortable in

- 5 t.v. shows I like(d) - Viva La Bam (oh man i'd do him), Psychic detectives, law and order SVU, ripley's believe it or not, beyond belief fact or fiction

- 5 movies I like – Wedding Crashers, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Grinch, Spice World, the movie I made for a project oh and the one I was in for madisen's b-day


- 5 biggest joys at the moment – my aunt, records, my 10yr old cousin, cable tv, my friends

- 5 favorite toys – pool table, darts, connect four, chess, backgammon

- 5 tagged (Your turn.)

I Tag....

noone 'cause I'm NICE!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: calm
2 | need help
Friday, July 29th, 2005
1:55 pm
ooooooo the MANSON caves!!!!
Yesterday and the day before was fun with melissa. "the pool incident" haha. Well after riding a bike two days ago my ass still hurts. I'm trying to keep busy which is good. I'm planning to go to the Charles Manson caves and to the old Pony Express trail which should be fun. Maybe stop by the Sharon Tate house. Those types of things ar interesting and free, what could beat that? what is everyone else up to?

Current Mood: relaxed
need help
Sunday, July 24th, 2005
7:39 pm
just another day in the life of me
turns out I trick or treated at Clark Gable's old house. Hmmm. . . Oh and I know where Tom Petty lives now I can sit outside and wait for him to come out so I can get an autograph. j/k I wouldn't do that, however I would go up to the little speaker thing to ask if he's home. That would be so much fun. . . maybe I should just trick-or-treat by his house or something. haha

Current Mood: cheerful
2 | need help
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
11:53 pm
Flavor Flav!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha so I was walking into a Marriot hotel for a lemonade after watching "Wedding Crashers" and I look over like: "why does that guy have 3 cell phones hanging aroung his neck?" then I look again because I was curious how they were attached and I realized that the guy had a clock hanging from his neck..... "Oh My God, it's Flavor Flav" I say to myself outloud. I walked over got an autograph and picture with him hehe. I'm so cool. He's so nice and I wanted to ask him to yell "FLAVOR FLAV!!!!!!!" but I felt shy after I asked him for the picture and stuff. woohoo!!!!!!

Current Mood: ecstatic
4 | need help
Monday, July 18th, 2005
1:20 pm
Tra. . . la. . .la. . .
I feel wierd. like i'm dreaming, but then realizing that i'm awake and try to maintain awakeness then the cycle repeats. damn, it's trippy! I can talk normal and walk around, but I feel like i'm acting wierd so then i start to think about how i'm acting and I end up staring at shit.

Current Mood: whoa man.
need help
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
8:27 pm
This past week I . . . .
Sunday: Saw "Bewitched" - cute little movie

Monday: Fourth of July! I saw fireworks from atop a hill while eating Carl's Jr. and on the way home we saw these people doing fireworks(not crappy little ones)on a side street so we watched that for like 50 min. It lasted longer than the ones we went to watch! and it was soooo much better.

Tuesday: I watched a lame movie called "When will she be loved" - everything in it was pointless! Later my day got better because i made and ate deep fried Oreos and they were yummy.

Wednesday: I stayed home and had a kick-back day.

Thursday: I went to stay in Buena Park with my mom untiol saturday and we went to Medieval Times and watched knights joust and horses do tricks - It was awesome because they didn't have any silverware and we had to eat a full course meal with our hands. The show was two hours long and afterwards my momand I didn't want to go back to the hotel so we drove and ended up at Huntington Beach at 10:00 at night.

Friday: My mom and I went to the Movieland Wax Museum. I always wanted to go to a wax museum so it was pretty cool. They had The Little Rascals, James Dean, Micheal Jackson, the original people of Star Trek, Walt Disney and RICKY MARTIN! Needless to say I laughed my ass off! We went back to the hotel and watched "Legally Blonde" 'cause we didn't want to go to sleep.

Saturday: We checked out of the hotel and went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not and there was some wierd stuff there. I took a picture next to the tallest man and I wasn't even up to his elbow! When I got home My aunt wanted to go to Forest Lawn Cemetary to we went there and found the graves of: Andy Gibb of the Bee Gees, Bette Davis, John Ritter, Sandra Dee, Freddy Prince and Liberace! After that we drove past Bob Hope's House and went home.

Today: WE WENT TO THE BRADY BUNCH HOUSE!!! hehe Then we went back to Forest Lawn and found the graves of: Ed Sullivan, Gene Autry and the guy who created Woody Woodpecker (Walter Lantz) - So Awesome, I love Woody Woodpecker! Then we drove by the Jackson family house 'cause my aunt's never been there and after we just went home.

So I had really, really cool week and hope everyone else did. Now I'm just so worn out and tired and I need to shower.

Current Mood: crazy
need help
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
9:34 pm
I went on a field trip today and it was awesome I had so much fun! Especially when we took off and walked to the gas station. Some of the art was really cool. I took a bunch of pictures. We sat in the "People Park" which was fun. Never have a spicy mexican shrimp quesadilla. It was gross and made my stomach hurt. We had this really good ice cream-ish stuff, I forgot what it was called, but it was sooo good. Thanks for telling me about it Gilbert! OK um. . . Commercials are annoying. Larry H. Parker is funny.

Just now a car accident happened on my corner the 6th in a year. What is it about our corner? Are we cursed?
People are just stupid

Now I'm gonna watch an AIDS/drug documentary.

~I love this song, but have no idea what they're saying~

Current Mood: psychedelic
2 | need help
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
9:29 pm
Today was ok. I edited a third of my video project. I'm happy but i want to do shit on the weekend before the year's over. Maybe next weekend I'll do something. I love BILLY IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care how old he is. haha Some people just stay awesome. I can't wait until my highschool reunion in 11 years.

I have a goal before the seniors graduate, but it's a secret hehe. I hope I can push myself to do it.

Esa jevita esta enterita, y tiene tremendo culo
Esta tan linda, esta tan rica y tiene tremendo culo
Que linda chiquita pero que importa si tiene tremendo culo
Has me el favor y meneate chica, tienes tremendo culo

Current Mood: jubilant
2 | need help
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
11:09 pm
Fuck the world! Who gives a shit anyway?!?


fucken motherfucker backstabbing cunt

Current Mood: I wish
2 | need help
Saturday, May 28th, 2005
10:19 pm
Eh, All Well . . . I Guess
Hey. Everyone's kinda-sorta not talking to me. I don't think I did anything so terrible so I don't understand why. Anyway, I had a good week, very interesting. I've been a nerd workig on a Humanotas Project. At the Humanitas Picnic I got the award for Most Dedicated. I was surprised as hell, it's all good.

I'm gonna go see Marilyn Monroe and Walt Disney's grave site next week hopefully. I'll take pictures hehe.

Let's see what the future brings.

Was Jason's birthday on Wednesday? I'm pretty sure it was, but I didn't see him to say happy birthday so I feel bad. Eh, I'll ask him on tuesday.

Woohoo we have no school on monday!!!!!!!

Current Mood: contemplative
2 | need help
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
8:34 pm
Friday the 13th came and went. Madisen's party was awesome until the whole video fiasco. (damn her effen VCR) My English teacher told the class that archaeologists just found proof that the Beast's (from revelations)number isn't 666 it was 616. haha all these years people were scared of the wrong number. I feel sorry for the people in Michigan, their area code is 616 haha, They're all evil. The bible is wrong. haha.
I had a good day today even though the testing thing was going on.
Why do whores suck so much?
ok now I'm sad. . . . .

oh and in Humanitas, we got a video project having to do with the 70s, 80s and 90s. fun. (can you hear the enthusiasm?)

Current Mood: giddy
1 | need help
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
7:27 pm
The SHOUT OUT LOUDS cd is coming out 5/24/05!!!! It's called "Howl Howl Gaff Gaff."

Howl Howl Gaff Gaff
1. The Comeback
2. Very Loud
3. Oh, Sweetheart
4. A Track And A Train
5. Go Sadness
6. Please Please Please
7. 100 Degrees
8. There's Nothing
9. Hurry Up Let's Go
10. Shut Your Eyes
11. Seagull

oh yeah, uh huh, alright, this is so-damn-cool.

Current Mood: curious
2 | need help
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
10:29 pm
I hate when people make up stories that aren't really true just to make themselves look cool, but this actually happened!
EARLIER TODAY: This was like around 9pm.
Ok so my aunt was like "you wanna go to gravity hill right now?" And I was like "sure why not, it'd be fun. We were on our way there and it was drizzeling and foggy. Our adrenaline was pumping and we were hyped up. (gravity hill is next to 2 cemetaries-a jewish and a regular) We finally reach the winding dark road that's very secluded. We weave our way through street and when we were almost there my aunt moved her purse from where it was, next to her, to the arm rest "why did you move it?" I asked. "I need to see the light were the gears are so we can do this quickly and leave because I don't know the gears by heart." "ok, do you want me to put it on the floor next to me?" I asked "no it's fine I just need to see the light because I want to do this quickly" she said. Meanwhile we reach the spot and put the car in nuetral and it works, the car began to go up hill in reverse. -I've been there during the day so I knew that it did work- my aunt then said "ok let's go, it's kinda getting scary" RIGHT AS SHE TOUCHED THE SHIFTER THE FREAKEN LIGHT, SHOWING WHAT GEAR THE THING IS ON, GOES OUT!!! not right before we got there, not right after we left. Just as she put her hand on the thing, so we can leave, did it short out. She reached up to turn the overhead light on to switch gears and, freaking out, we drove on. "did that just happen" I said "That's just too creepy" she replied.
The road winds around if you keep going straight, but the fog was pretty thick and people could go off the side of the road because it twists so much so she turned left to go past the cemetary because it had hardly any fog. "the cemetary! Are you crazy!" I said "I just want to turn around" she said "while we are here I read online about this statue of an animal that is supposed to be on the right side and it supposedly walks around at night" she added. "On my side?!?! Oh God!" I said
I swear on my life-right then the fog got so thick you could not see in front of you. I had no idea where we were at that point. My aunt turned on her bright lights and it was like we were looking through a veil where you could see outlines of things , but it was so thick, I'm telling you! We turned up the circle drive, went past the mortuary (while looking for the statue) and went out of the cemetary the way we went in. right as we turned out of the cemetary, the fog was gone, COMPLETELY GONE! I'm not kidding you. I was freaking out about everything. I kept on commenting on how this seemed like one of those stories that people tell, but they're really urban legends and stuff but FUCK MAN. We drove out of there to my aunt's house to wrap my mom's mother's day present.
We had just came from Souplantation before that and I had to pee so bad from the Snapple I drank. I almost pissed in my pants when all that crap happened. We were talking about how no one would believe us because it happened to perfectly: the fog, the cemetary, at night, secluded, the light going out... and i said "Even if we had a video camera no one would stil belive us because they'd think-how did they ""happen"" to have a camera with them?"
Those of you who know me, Know I wouldn't lie about stuff like think because you know how much I loathe when people make shit up. I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT THIS HAPPENED TO ME!
(by the way the statue wasn't there so my aunt's gonna go in the morning tomorrow to try to find it, but we definately did not see it tonight-if it's there in the morning I'm gonna FREAK OUT!)
I'm seriously not kidding if you don't believe me ok whatever, but it actually happened. I'll NEVER forget that as long as I FUCKEN live!

7 | need help
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
8:27 pm
Life Is Good. . . .For Once
My aunt is awesome! I love my retarded family. I love my friends. I love goings places with them. I'm very happy right now for no particular reason. I don't care though. I feel like jijhubing!!!!!!!!!! Yay! I don't have any homework today. I got good grades, and i feel like i'm somewhat in control of my life and appreciate it more... maybe 'cause someone I know is dying. Well, how was everyone's weekend?

P.S. Am I shrinking?

oh and 50 First dates was a good movie and so was The Interpreter

Current Mood: woohoo
2 | need help
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