Ruby Soho (lucky777chrms) wrote,
Ruby Soho

  • Music:

I forget how to even update this thing, but...

My whole life I've been struggling with the idea in my head that I'm not good enough. I feel like I don't have a place to be. Again it haunts me. I'm completely average in school. The sad thing is that I get C's but I don't TRY! Then i get frustrated with the fact that if I had made an effort I would have gotten A's this whole time. But it's too late, the game's almost over and I choked. I don't have a motivation.... for anything! I stay in bed for as long as possible, do the chores before the boyfriend comes home, stay up as late as possible to feel like I accomplished something and then Rinse & Repeat.

A year left, and I haven't a clue of what the fuck to do with myself. I don't want to end up bitter and hating my job and that adds to my anxiety of choosing a path. I just wish I had that spark and determination that I see in so many people; the ability to go after something and get it done.

and I can't get rid of this insomnia!!!!!!!!!

I need a major change 'cause I feel like I'm having a 1/4 life crisis. At least I have music to calm me. I honestly don't know where I'd be if that annoying guy in sewing didn't sing Blink songs all period in 6th grade.....

I watched another trailer of the Blinkumentary earlier. They make me emotional, as much now as they did 11. Tom just had his 35th birthday on Dec. 13th. I'm SO in shock at the fact that I'm at almost at the age THEY were when I first fell in live with them. Insane.... I see them from a different point of view now, but they still affect me the same way.

People can say that I'm crazy, but they will never understand. I'm not a psycho fan. Their music heals me, it's my own personal "religious" experience, and no one will ever feel what I do.

I'm in the process of designing a multiple meaning tattoo and trying to decide where to put it. It will always remind me of how far I've come from those dark days 11 years ago, of how much I've grown &  the things I've put behind me, and the fact that I am good enough.

"When the bombs come down, we will make it alive -  But only if you want to believe" -TD
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